Update #91: Indie Dev & Motivation

First, I show progress on the 3d dungeon generation. Then I talk about my motivation.

There is a dark side to creating. A toll. A price to be paid. It’s dark because creatives do not let it see the light of day. It remains hidden.

About 2 years ago I discovered The War of Art and writer Steven Pressfield. He put a spotlight directly on the difficulty of creating, the war inside. It was insightful and of great value to me. Steven Pressfield is now an accomplished author, but he struggled for decades to become one. The War of Art is his hindsight conversation with a younger self about the war ahead.

All creatives experience Resistance. This is my time. I’ve gone as far as I can on the gas in the tank. I’m running on fumes. I need a fill up.

Something I risk here is people freaking out. “He’s abandoned the project!”, “It’s never going to get finished!"

I had a serious choice to make. I could deny what is happening and pretend things are just going slowly. But that isn’t true, I am uncomfortable with its dishonesty. I’d rather just “tell it as it is”. I’m more comfortable with fallout than hiding. It is what it is.

After the recording Nic told me what I said was brave. Perhaps. I committed to honest updates for those interested in this project. I see it only as keeping a commitment.

In my own psyche I’m acknowledging what "is" instead of what I wish it was. I think this is a good sign. This puts me on the path to healing. I’m putting down my tools so as to pick them up again, stronger.

Thank you for your interest and patience. I appreciate it.